Husbands Love Your Wives

Remembering the "Who" Over the "What":
A Journey Through Alzheimer's
Kenneth Beaton

My wife, Chris, has Alzheimer’s. We’re eight years into our journey. Her condition has left her dependent upon others for all things in her life. The challenges are immense; but God is faithful. Faithful to remind me to forget the “what” and remember the “who” when it comes to caring for my wife. It’s easy to get caught up in the “what” and lose sight of the “who.” The “what” of caring for my bride is important; but it must be secondary to remembering who she is.

A Biblical Call to Husbands

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her," (Ephesians 5:25, NASB). This is a great charge to men; it’s a mandate to fulfill. How is it done? Why must it be so? Here’s what I found out:

1. Sacrificial Love
   Ephesians 5:25 calls for husbands to love their wives sacrificially, just as Christ’s love for us is sacrificial. It’s about giving without expecting anything in return, about prioritizing her needs above my own.

2. Eternal Perspective
   Verses 26-27 remind me to love and minister to my wife with an eternal perspective, pursuing holiness and constantly reminding her of the glory to come. Our love should reflect a focus beyond the present struggles, aiming for spiritual growth and eternal promises.

3. Nourishing and Cherishing
   Verses 28-30 highlight the importance of loving and nourishing my wife as I would myself. I must cherish Chris just as Christ cherishes His church. This means being attentive to her needs, providing comfort, and ensuring she feels valued and loved every single day.

4. Maturity in Love
   Verse 31 speaks to the necessity of maturity in love. To truly appreciate the beauty of "the who," I must forsake childish ways and take up the mantle of a man who forsakes all competing voices and selfishness. It’s about growing up and committing fully to the covenant of marriage.

The Cornerstone of Love

The cornerstone of my journey is found in Ephesians 5:25-30. This summary is that my wife, Chris, is to be to me what I am to Christ—one worthy of giving up my life for. Every act of care, every sacrifice, every moment of patience and tenderness is a reflection of Christ's love for the church.

Embracing the "Who"

Husbands, love your wives for “who” she is, and you’ll find the “what” far sweeter. When the focus shifts from tasks and duties to the person you vowed to cherish, every challenge becomes an opportunity to demonstrate profound love. Remembering the "who" over the "what" transforms the journey from a series of burdens to a path of deep, sacrificial love.

In our journey through Alzheimer’s, I’ve learned that while the "what" is crucial, it is the "who" that makes every moment meaningful. Chris is not defined by her illness; she is my beloved wife, the one who deserves my unconditional love and devotion. By keeping this perspective, I find strength and joy in each day, knowing that I am honoring both my wife and God in this journey of love.